Because my flist is driving me insane today...

[misaffection]

Sooooo Harry and the Order of the Major Wank is out.

And so is Harry. Yes for six books, Harry has been in the closet but he finally finds the balls(?) to Come Out. Fortunately he's not the Only Gay in the Castle, cos Ron's gay too.

The Ginger Wizz breaks it to Herimone that he swings the other way and elopes with Harry to Scotland where they're married. Harry wears white.

Meanwhile the brokenhearted Herimone finds solace in the arms of Harry's nemesis. Yes that's right guys - Voldemort is doing the ultimate in cradle-snatching and Herimone as well.

Snape is in for a shock when he finally decides to wash his hair and he finds Dumbldore not!dead. Maybe he was mad, or in a coma. He definitely wasn't back in time.

Herimone is pregnant but isn't sure who's the daddy. She and Ron and Vol go on Jeremy Kyle to thrash it out. The baby's father turns out to be...

Back in Muggle Earth they're taking to hobbits... no, sorry, wrong book.

Hagrid professes his love for Professor McGonagall, but only when she's in her cat form. She assures him that it really wouldn't ever work out between them.

Herimone decides to keep the baby and due to the power of magic has a week long pregnancy followed by a totally painless birth. She has a little girl and calls her Harriet, after the father.

Hagrid gets another dragon egg, hatches it, brings up the dragonling and then gets eaten.

In the real world the H key on Rowling’s typewriter breaks, forcing her to think up names that don't begin with that letter...

Harriet grows up in quick double time, gets picked for Sytherin, kills Dumbldore and takes over Hogwarts.

Ron goes boating with Harry, falls in the water and drowns. Harry is heartbroken and goes to Draco. They end up having comfort!sex in the Main Hall.

The dragon burps and Hogwarts burns down.

Harry wakes up in his bed at his uncle's and discovers the whole thing was just a dream.

Teh End.