Just a lil stressed

I had a panic attack last night, the first in 8 years. That's not good - I really don't want to go back to the way I was then. I guess alarm bells should have rung when I was scratching my arms with the kitchen scissors cos they were the sharpest thing I could find. *sighs*

The thing with scratching is that, unlike cutting, the marks fade overnight. I wouldn't cut because people would notice - scratches can be hidden. Or explained away if they're seen. It's usually my house keys. I tend to dig them into my palms. Again, hidden.

And the weird thing is, today I feel fine. My mood is really swinging and I'm not sure if it's hormones or tiredness or what. Yesterday I took the kids into Manchester because I couldn't stand being in the house but halfway there the adrenaline rush ran out and I crashed.

And yet, despite being utterly exhausted, I still didn't sleep much last night.

I just don't know anymore. Anything.

Whoa

I have to say a really, really big thank you to everyone who responded to my last post. I can't begin to explain how much it means to me. I don't open to much - there are people who've met me in real life that know I'm shy around people.

The comments have made me cry because I'm not used to having people who just like me for me. Usually people become my "friends" because I can do something for them. This has been my experience since secondary school and ever since.

So yes, I'm extremely grateful to those who would stand by me in a dark patch - and it IS only a patch - and I hope I will be as good a friend if you hit a patch.

Much love.