Just a lil stressed
16 Dec 2005 12:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
misaffectionI had a panic attack last night, the first in 8 years. That's not good - I really don't want to go back to the way I was then. I guess alarm bells should have rung when I was scratching my arms with the kitchen scissors cos they were the sharpest thing I could find. *sighs*
The thing with scratching is that, unlike cutting, the marks fade overnight. I wouldn't cut because people would notice - scratches can be hidden. Or explained away if they're seen. It's usually my house keys. I tend to dig them into my palms. Again, hidden.
And the weird thing is, today I feel fine. My mood is really swinging and I'm not sure if it's hormones or tiredness or what. Yesterday I took the kids into Manchester because I couldn't stand being in the house but halfway there the adrenaline rush ran out and I crashed.
And yet, despite being utterly exhausted, I still didn't sleep much last night.
I just don't know anymore. Anything.
The thing with scratching is that, unlike cutting, the marks fade overnight. I wouldn't cut because people would notice - scratches can be hidden. Or explained away if they're seen. It's usually my house keys. I tend to dig them into my palms. Again, hidden.
And the weird thing is, today I feel fine. My mood is really swinging and I'm not sure if it's hormones or tiredness or what. Yesterday I took the kids into Manchester because I couldn't stand being in the house but halfway there the adrenaline rush ran out and I crashed.
And yet, despite being utterly exhausted, I still didn't sleep much last night.
I just don't know anymore. Anything.
