Back again, bringing fic

[misaffection]

Now you love me don't you? *laughs*

I have, for your delection and delight, fic. SGA, season two.

Duet tag. Laura feels guilty for overstepping the mark with Rodney. [1550 words]
Rating: Teen
Utterly ship and smug free. Something's wrong, lol.

In the immediacy of the situation there were things Laura had done that she probably wouldn't have given time for considerate thought. Now, there was time to reflect, she felt regret for those things. Carson had assured her everything was okay but she knew that wasn't exactly true. Yes, she was fine and there seemed to be no side-effects from the experience she'd gone through but not everything was okay.

If everything was okay she wouldn't be feeling so incredibly guilty.

It was an hour since Doctor Weir had left Carson with the instruction to release them and in that time neither she nor Rodney had said a word to each other. In all honesty, she didn't know what to say. She wasn't convinced that an apology would suffice really.

So she lay on her bed in the dimmed room, painfully aware of the occupant in the next bed and the silence that reigned between them. Tension knotted her insides and all she wanted was to be away.

Carson came out of his office then, going to Rodney and speaking quietly for a moment. The curtain between the cubicles was drawn, a visible barrier that made Laura feel even worse. She understood immediately what Carson was doing – he was giving Rodney the chance to get out without having to acknowledge her and to save them both for an awkward situation.

Five minutes later and the curtain was pushed back. The bed was empty and Rodney gone. Laura smiled brightly at Carson and tried to ignore the sensation that a part of her was missing.

“How are you feeling love?” Carson asked her.

“Okay,” she replied, the lie coming easily to her lips. “Though I really want to get out of here.”

“Aye, well Doctor Weir said to clear as soon as I could and I am.”

“Thanks Carson.”

The doctor squeezed her hand and wandered off, leaving her to her own devices. She got out of the bed and got dressed slowly. If she could have been returned to her body without the memories of the last couple of days, she'd be a lot happier. However she hadn't and she could remember all of it – every thing she'd said and done, the arguments with Rodney, the fights with him over control and the result of those fights.

Sighing heavily, Laura left the infirmary and went to her quarters. As the doors opened, her guilt and regret returned with a vengeance. Here she'd had pushed the issue of control way too far, crossing a line in her behaviour with Rodney. She stood at the doorway, remembering. The sight of the bed made her go cold as she recalled Rodney's horror at what she'd done, his embarrassment and awkwardness and the overwhelming sense of violation.

“Crap,” she muttered to herself. What the hell had she'd been thinking? Only she knew she hadn't been thinking at all. She'd taken Kate Heightmeyer's evaluation of their unique situation and run with it. Sharing Rodney's body hadn't given her a right to it, only Laura hadn't exactly expected to be around to answer for the consequences.

At that particular realisation, Laura knew there was only one thing to do. She didn't like it and it was likely to end in a confrontation she'd really rather avoid, but she needed to go and see Rodney. Like now, before she could talk herself out of it.

Steeling herself, she strode through the corridors in the direction of Rodney's quarters. The fact she remembered the way because of memories that were not strictly her own didn't help emotionally, but she did get to his door faster. Not that that was necessarily a good thing.

Laura had done a lot of things in her life. She flown planes in enemy airspace, she'd defused bombs, she'd faced the Wraith. All of it paled into insignificance as she took a deep breath and knocked on Rodney's door. She feared his reaction as much as she knew that whatever she got she kind of deserved. All she could hope was that he'd at least hear her out.

She'd worked it all out, what she was going to say. However when the door opened and Rodney McKay stood there, the slightly bemused expression on his face rapidly turning to one of wary disdain, her mind went blank.

“What do you want?”

“I... To talk.”

The expression on his face went even more sour. “To talk? What about?” He folded his arms and glared at her. Laura felt her nerve slipping.

“About... Well, what do you think?” She couldn't help the irritation creeping into her voice, though from the way Rodney's face got harder, it certainly didn't help.

“Look,” she continued doggedly. “I really don't want to have this conversation in the middle of the corridor. Could I please come in?”

Rodney snorted. “Not on your life.”

“Okay. Well, I suppose I deserve that. Rodney, I realise an apology isn't really going to cover it, but for what it's worth - I'm sorry.”

He looked at her for a long time, his expression unchanging and his stare unforgiving. “You're right,” he said finally. “It doesn't cover it. What's the matter Cadman? Couldn't sleep cos your conscience was getting to you? So you come down here and trot out weak apologies and expect absolution?”

Laura swallowed and shook her head. She dropped her gaze, no longer able to look at the anger that simmered in his eyes.

“No,” she said, her voice faint.

“Then what did you expect?”

“Nothing. I didn't expect anything.” She looked back up at him. “Least of all to survive.”

She saw that register with him, saw his eyes widen slightly as her words sank in. There was a slight softening in his expression and he moved from blocking the door, sighing as he did so.

“Come in,” he said grudgingly.

Laura slipped past him and into his room. Her eyes flickered over the familiar surroundings. She crossed her arms across her stomach, hugging herself in an attempt not to fall to pieces. Turning slowly, she looked at Rodney.

“I am sorry,” she said, her voice soft. “You were right – I did cross a line. I don't have a reason, never mind a good one. I just... I thought my number was up, which isn't an excuse, I know but...” She trailed off and shrugged helplessly.

“I did tell you I was going to figure it out,” Rodney reminded her, but his tone was mild.

“I know,” Laura said, nodding. “But I knew you were grasping Rodney, I could feel it.” She laughed humourlessly. “You have no idea how scary that was; knowing you didn't know the answer.”

“Oh I was fairly scared about you being in my head for the rest of eternity,” he remarked, the faintest smile on his face.

Laura wasn't amused. “I should have just let go. I should never-”

“No!” Rodney said sharply. His sudden venom made her jump and she watched him come over, the mask abandoned. “No, you shouldn't have. You think I'd have given up if the situation had been reversed?”

“Well no...”

“I don't hold trying to survive against you Cadman.”

“Not that, no.”

“Well, that might be as hard for you to explain as it'll be for me,” he said wryly.

“It was just in case it didn't work,” she told him again, blushing a little. “I didn't think it would. Or if it did, I kinda thought we'd... forget.”

“You were hoping I forgot.”

“Really, yes.”

“I suppose there were worse things you could have done. I can't actually think of any but... well I'm sure there was... some.”

“What would you have done in my shoes?” she asked him curiously.

“I wouldn't have kissed Beckett,” he retorted sourly.

The statement hung between them.

Laura stared at him. Rodney groaned, his expression going pained and then he shook his head, a smirk flickering at the corner of his mouth. Laura bit her bottom lip but the giggle escaped anyway.

“Oh God,” she gasped, blushing at what she'd made him do. “I'm sorry.”

“No real harm done,” Rodney said with a shrug. “Though I somehow have to explain it to Katie. That'll be interesting. But still... given the possible alternatives of what could have happened, what with the Wraith and everything. Well, I guess getting you stuck in my head wasn't that bad. At least you're still here.”

“Yes. Thanks to you,” she said, her tone heavy with meaning.

Rodney bowed his head, a proud smile at his achievement on his face. “My pleasure.”

“Of course. You do have your head to yourself again.”

“I do.”

“Am I forgiven?” she dared to ask.

“I'll think about it,” he replied airily. He gave her a small smile and she knew she was.

“I guess I owe you one.”

“Let me think about that. Sometimes your ideas are... a little left of field.”

Laura inclined her head in agreement and then walked past Rodney to the door. She glanced over her shoulder as it slid open.

“'Night, Rodney,” she said softly.

He smiled. “Goodnight,” he responded, then after a beat, “Laura.”

The door closed behind her, leaving her staring at it, startled. Then, feeling much better in heart and soul, she wandered back to her own quarters, a wide smile gracing her mouth.