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misaffectionFandom: Stargate SG1
Characters: Sam Carter, Daniel Jackson
Pairing: Sam/Baal
Rating: FRC
Written for:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
prompt_in_a_box
Prompt: The world carries on without you, but nothing remains the same.
Word Count: 782
Summary: Set some nebulous time in any of the AU verses, dealing with Sam being left behind. Angst like whoa. (Also, I'm never going to hear this song the same way again...)
The sun still rose. Rain still fell, cold and smelling of the oncoming winter. Nights turned to mornings that saw her going through the same old routine: time did not stop because her heart had.
She doesn't know how she keeps breathing or moving. Maybe she just doesn't know how to stop. She paints her face, arrives at the compound with a practised smile, plays her part to perfection. But the performance leaves her hollow and nothing fills the aching gap inside her.
Grief is an emotion she knows too well: her mother, her father, Janet. She lays flowers on their graves, stands to attention as the wind blows round her, through her. Sometimes she wishes that she could just let go, be swept away with the leaves.
It was a relationship that should never have been. She fought against her heart so far long before finally surrendering to the inevitable. Now her heart is broken, something else as inevitable, because there was no way he would have stayed with her forever.
The world carries on, carrying her with it. She still steps through the Stargate, but the joy is gone. He took that from her as well, she thinks and stares at the empty ring.
Footsteps sound behind her, followed by a soft cough.
“Hey Sam,” Daniel says.
“Hey.” She does not take her eyes off the 'gate. “Are they ready?”
“Not so much.” Soles shuffle on the floor. “I wanted... Are you okay?”
She smiles, but there's no humour to it. “No.”
“No.” He sighs. “You've not heard anything?”
“I won't.” It hurts so much, she wonders how she doesn't bleed.
“Sam, I wanted to say...” Daniel sighs and a hand settles on her shoulder. “I wanted to be the one to tell you, away from everyone else. I saw the IOA report. Sam...”
Her eyes blur. “Oh God.”
“They... they rescinded the order.” His hand squeezes. Sam wants to sob. Too little, far too late. “I don't suppose-”
He cuts himself off with another sigh. Sam puts her hands on the frame, needing that support to hold her up. The room spins dangerously. Daniel grabs her arm, guides her to a chair. He pours water into a glass and hands it to her.
She sips it, not even registering the taste. It could be acid for all she knows. She almost wishes it was.
“That's not fair,” she murmurs. Her eyes go back to the 'gate and suddenly she knows that she can't do this any more. She looks at Daniel, sees understanding wash over his face.
“For the first year, the only thing that kept me going was the hope I'd find her on the other side,” he says. “Give him that chance.”
Sam isn't sure she has that strength. “For how long?”
“As long as it takes.” He takes the glass off her, holds her hands instead. “Because you can't do anything else but keep going until you have an answer.”
“He left me; I think that's answer enough.”
That isn't fair, because she knows why he went. Not for himself, but for her. For her damn career and she should have stopped him. If such a thing was possible in the face of his stubbornness.
She glances up and sees disappointment on Daniel's face.
“I know,” she sighs. “I'm just... lost without him, and it hurts. It hurts so much.”
He pulls her up and wraps his arms around her: the only person to stand beside her throughout this whole damn mess, the only one who'd respected her choice. It touches her that he is still willing to be there for her, but more than that, to fight for her.
For her and the man she shouldn't love, but does anyway.
“Everyone has their point of origin,” Daniel says, voice low in her ear. “The centre of their universe, their one constant marker. Sha're was mine. Baal is yours. You need to realign your references, Sam. Get out there and find it again. Or be lost forever.”
Sam heeds the warning; Daniel knows exactly what he's talking about. Taking a deep breath in, she eases back and looks at the Stargate again.
The rest of the team have gathered at the base of the ramp and Silar has dialled out. The ring is no longer empty, but shining blue. Hope replaces the dark fears, the loneliness in her soul.
“Thanks, Daniel. I needed that.”
He grins at her. “Coming, then?”
She smiles, eyes on the horizon. “Oh yes.”
Characters: Sam Carter, Daniel Jackson
Pairing: Sam/Baal
Rating: FRC
Written for:
prompt_in_a_boxPrompt: The world carries on without you, but nothing remains the same.
Word Count: 782
Summary: Set some nebulous time in any of the AU verses, dealing with Sam being left behind. Angst like whoa. (Also, I'm never going to hear this song the same way again...)
The sun still rose. Rain still fell, cold and smelling of the oncoming winter. Nights turned to mornings that saw her going through the same old routine: time did not stop because her heart had.
She doesn't know how she keeps breathing or moving. Maybe she just doesn't know how to stop. She paints her face, arrives at the compound with a practised smile, plays her part to perfection. But the performance leaves her hollow and nothing fills the aching gap inside her.
Grief is an emotion she knows too well: her mother, her father, Janet. She lays flowers on their graves, stands to attention as the wind blows round her, through her. Sometimes she wishes that she could just let go, be swept away with the leaves.
It was a relationship that should never have been. She fought against her heart so far long before finally surrendering to the inevitable. Now her heart is broken, something else as inevitable, because there was no way he would have stayed with her forever.
The world carries on, carrying her with it. She still steps through the Stargate, but the joy is gone. He took that from her as well, she thinks and stares at the empty ring.
Footsteps sound behind her, followed by a soft cough.
“Hey Sam,” Daniel says.
“Hey.” She does not take her eyes off the 'gate. “Are they ready?”
“Not so much.” Soles shuffle on the floor. “I wanted... Are you okay?”
She smiles, but there's no humour to it. “No.”
“No.” He sighs. “You've not heard anything?”
“I won't.” It hurts so much, she wonders how she doesn't bleed.
“Sam, I wanted to say...” Daniel sighs and a hand settles on her shoulder. “I wanted to be the one to tell you, away from everyone else. I saw the IOA report. Sam...”
Her eyes blur. “Oh God.”
“They... they rescinded the order.” His hand squeezes. Sam wants to sob. Too little, far too late. “I don't suppose-”
He cuts himself off with another sigh. Sam puts her hands on the frame, needing that support to hold her up. The room spins dangerously. Daniel grabs her arm, guides her to a chair. He pours water into a glass and hands it to her.
She sips it, not even registering the taste. It could be acid for all she knows. She almost wishes it was.
“That's not fair,” she murmurs. Her eyes go back to the 'gate and suddenly she knows that she can't do this any more. She looks at Daniel, sees understanding wash over his face.
“For the first year, the only thing that kept me going was the hope I'd find her on the other side,” he says. “Give him that chance.”
Sam isn't sure she has that strength. “For how long?”
“As long as it takes.” He takes the glass off her, holds her hands instead. “Because you can't do anything else but keep going until you have an answer.”
“He left me; I think that's answer enough.”
That isn't fair, because she knows why he went. Not for himself, but for her. For her damn career and she should have stopped him. If such a thing was possible in the face of his stubbornness.
She glances up and sees disappointment on Daniel's face.
“I know,” she sighs. “I'm just... lost without him, and it hurts. It hurts so much.”
He pulls her up and wraps his arms around her: the only person to stand beside her throughout this whole damn mess, the only one who'd respected her choice. It touches her that he is still willing to be there for her, but more than that, to fight for her.
For her and the man she shouldn't love, but does anyway.
“Everyone has their point of origin,” Daniel says, voice low in her ear. “The centre of their universe, their one constant marker. Sha're was mine. Baal is yours. You need to realign your references, Sam. Get out there and find it again. Or be lost forever.”
Sam heeds the warning; Daniel knows exactly what he's talking about. Taking a deep breath in, she eases back and looks at the Stargate again.
The rest of the team have gathered at the base of the ramp and Silar has dialled out. The ring is no longer empty, but shining blue. Hope replaces the dark fears, the loneliness in her soul.
“Thanks, Daniel. I needed that.”
He grins at her. “Coming, then?”
She smiles, eyes on the horizon. “Oh yes.”
